As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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