Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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