Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
