I wish I could teleport
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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