i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
