Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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