Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
