okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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