I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
