but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
