True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Every concussion has its silver lining
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
