This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
