Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
