Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there is puke in my bra ... again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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