when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
