she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize