3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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