Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
