we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
