She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
