He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My life is pants optional.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
