You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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