people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
