You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
