Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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