I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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