Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
pray to the hookup gods
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
