i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
is it fun? or sober?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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