what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize