Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
