I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
not ubering you a puppy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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