Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
