You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
