that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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