either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
