but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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