i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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