I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
