We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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