Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
