I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
