i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize