i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
