before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
