Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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