were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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