What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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