Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is an emotional support booty call
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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