he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
