Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
