I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
