i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
