never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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