I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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