we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
