Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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