Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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