Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
