this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
