I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
