theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
