I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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