i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
