yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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