After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
