READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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