Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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