I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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