my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
