But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
