Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
