i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ate ashes out of my bong
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