Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
