Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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