I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
