In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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