after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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