yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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