After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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