Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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