Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
