My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
