Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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