Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
