the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
