i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
