why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
