I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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