Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
