I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
