when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize