You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
