I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
