Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
