That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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