I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
