i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
