you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
