I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
