I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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