Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize